I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
