I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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