If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
