I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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