never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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