I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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