no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
