I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
