Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
