I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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