I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
