I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
