a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
