he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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