i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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