took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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