did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
