Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my poor anus
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
