I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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