if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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