just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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