So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
