fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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