Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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