I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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