I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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