I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
