fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
