My friends, they love my intelligence
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
