its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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