Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
