I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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