Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
