Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Text me some of your sweat
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
