I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
