hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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