sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
