you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
