Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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