I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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