Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
