And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
