hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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