the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
