I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
