dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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