Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
