So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
