I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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