I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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