So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
