just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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