i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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