How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
