ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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